Connection

As many of my blog visitors are aware, my Dad has been in the hospital for over a week now. It's the first serious spell of illness I've ever known him to have. He's had surgeries and medical procedures through the years like anyone. But this time... Wow. What a jolt to our whole family to have the head of our family go through life-threatening medical complications.

But that's not what I'm wanting to write about. Something is stirring inside me since my Dad got sick. I feel it every time I hold my one-year old boy in my arms. I feel the father-son connection. I truly feel this connection running from the Grandfather I never knew, to my Dad, to me, and on to my son, and even to the son he may one day have.

I've never been one of those "let's keep the family name alive" people. I was perfectly content to have just my daughter, or to have all daughters. In fact, since I am not at all a sports fan and think Nascar is as exciting as watching paint dry, I figured I might be a rotten male role model to a son. But in spite of myself, something stirred in me when my son was born.

I remember the feeling I had when I told my Dad that I was going to have a son - it was that connection thing. My Dad told me that this feeling would be growing stronger, but early on in the pregnancy I didn't believe him.

I believe him now.

There are certain deep emotions that are like songs. Similar emotions are the same song in different keys, with different rhythms. There's the song of falling in love with my wife. There's the song of my affection for my precious daughter. There's the song of me loving my parents. And now the music has changed, and it is the song of my son.

Since my Dad has been sick, this song of my son has been reverberating through my soul with full, strong chords and a steady rhythm.

I'm reaching, straining for a way to express what I'm feeling. I'm just not able. I guess I'm feeling or realizing my Dad's love for me and my love for him - amplified through his illness. And at the same time I'm feeling and realizing my love for my son and his love for me.

Every time my son wakes up from a nap or from a long night's sleep, he cries out, "Dad!" - (actually it's more "Daa!") - and I feel that stirring in my soul.

Last night I was up with my son, changing his diaper and giving him a bottle of milk. He kept saying "Daa!" and at the same time I was praying to my Father in heaven for my own Dad's life and health - crying out in my own quiet way.

And the connection swept down on me again. Me, my Dad, and my son - eternally connected by the grace of God.

Thank You, Lord...

So that's what I've been feeling. I just wanted to try to express myself here.

By the way, if you've read this far, please lift up a quick prayer for my Dad.

Thanks.