She Calms Me

(This picture is of Melody and I at a college retreat in 1983 or so.)

Tonight I sang at the little Baptist church we've been attending. This was my first time singing at this church in 22 years, since when Melody and I were attending there as newlyweds.

I totally bombed. I did a really, really bad job.

Melody was supposed to sing with me. but she and our two children were sick and stayed home. So I had to fly solo.

Melody and I have been singing together since we were teenagers. In fact, we met in high school choral class. She was sixteen and I was seventeen. Pretty soon after we started dating we were singing in church together. The first song we ever did as a duet was Amy Grant's "There Will Never Be Another". Melody was seventeen, I remember, and had a pale blue ribbon in her long brown hair. It's amazing the little details you recall when writing out memories. We've sung together in high school, in three groups through college, in various church choirs, and on a few worship teams.

I share all that to explain one reason that I bombed so badly tonight:

Melody calms me.

In the context of playing my guitar and singing, I am so used to Melody standing beside me and harmonizing that, without her, I don't do nearly as well. Even when I occasionally perform without her, she's usually in the audience or the congregation watching, listening, and singing along.

Then, too, she calms me.

So this is what happened tonight when she stayed home sick:

I played the song way too fast, I kept blowing my strumming pattern, I ran out of breath a few times before the ends of phrases, I mispronounced words. I had to stop at one point and start a verse all over. The worst part though was that I started to panic mid-song when I couldn't settle into the song. I felt my face turning red, I felt warm and uncomfortable and thought "my blood pressure is going up". And I was just looking down at the floor as I stumbled into the end of the song, unwilling to look out at the congregation of a couple of hundred people. I think I was experiencing what people who have stage fright feel.

What a mess. When I got home an hour later, I told Melody how bad it was. That's when she demonstrated another aspect of our musical partnership. She is my advisor. She always gives me good advice regarding song choice, tempo and more.

"I told you not to do that song, didn't I?", she said. I should have listened to her. But I had wanted to do a lyrically and musically complex song so as to impress my listeners. And Melody called me on that as well, kindly pointing out that my pride had led me to this point of such a disastrous performance. Without saying it outright, she showed me that I had been more interested in showing off than in singing for the Lord tonight. Ouch!

So she calms me and advises me.

And I really needed her tonight. If she had been well enough to sing with me she would have kept us from doing the wrong song and she would have helped me to pick out a better, more appropriate song. She probably would have helped me focus on singing to and for the Lord, then, as well.

Then, just by being there with me, I would have been able to remain calm and whatever song we would have done would have gone great.

Oh, well.... Live and learn.

It was just a song. It doesn't matter that I flubbed it. What does matter is that I've been reminded what a treasure my wife is. Thank You, Lord, for Melody, the wife of my youth; my partner in a lifetime of musical collaboration.

Thank You for how she calms me.

Amen.