All My Fountains

The small town I live in, which insists on calling itself a city, is elevator deprived. There are probably a few elevators in town - at the hospital, the city government center and so on - but even these only go up a couple of floors, maybe three. If I lived an an elevator filled city I'd love to try some of these:

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) Crack open your briefcase, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Say "DING!" at each floor.
6) Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the buttons.
7) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
8) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
9) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
10) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
11) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
12) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
13) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
14) Swat at flies that don't exist.


...so I guess it's a good thing there are no good elevators here.